For years I've scoured the daily papers looking for something, and truth be told, I've still no idea what I have been looking for! I suppose I've been searching for a nugget of wisdom that would inspire me with words of awesome revelation, or perhaps an article that would unlock the mystery of how to live a full and glorious life.
But these days I'm almost scared to open the newspapers or watch the evening news.
Well, if it isn't North Korea threatening to blow up the world with their almost-ready-to-produce nuclear bombs: or A.I. (artificial intelligence to we less enlightened types) which will, in the next 10 years or so, totally outsmart we bumbling humans to the point of it (IT), getting bored with our messy habits and deciding to consign us to the evolutionary bin of extinction. And then there is always Mr Trump who apparently is the most incompetent human to walk this world and yet who was elected to control the levers to the most lethal military force of all time!
How did we get this far? It's as if we're walking into a dream - uh, make that a nightmare!
So here's my two penny worth as my dear old Mum used to say.
In the last couple of centuries, there's been a mass migration from the country to the cities. There, we've surrounded ourselves with noise and concrete. Generally speaking it's be good in a lot of ways - health, education etc - , but now we've reached a critical point for the future of humanity, and yet hardly anyone is talking about it!
I suspect it's because we now fill every conceivable space in our waking hours with sights and sounds through mobile technology, currently augmented by Virtual Reality - now there's an oxymoron for you! We've become so preoccupied by stuffing our senses with images and sounds that we've lost our sense of purpose: our sense of humanity.
Out there, beyond the boundaries of our urban sprawl lies the countryside: beyond our shores lie our oceans (both of which are under threat if you ever dare to read the popular press) These are beautiful places and they are HUGE and they're REAL.. And they offer us ......
We need to create more spaces in our lives where we can reflect on where we have come from, where we want to go and who we want to become. We need to step aside from our usual habitats and see how small we are in order to re-gain our sense of place in the world.
The world doesn't revolve around our senses!
We are here for a relatively short time and (for most good and decent people - and there are billions of us) we need to ponder how to make this world a better place. Peaceful nuclear things may help, AI may help, but you know what? If we don't take time to work our how we feel about all that "stuff", and how we see the role we humans hope to play in the future of our fantastic planet, then any choices we thought we had may be taken out of our hands. And guess what: we'd only have ourselves to blame.
Explain that one to your children and grandchildren.
Nearly everyone on this beautiful blue planet lives in some form of relationship. And most of the time it all seems to work out reasonably well. But for an awful lot of people, things can go seriously pear-shaped and its then that the blame game begins!
So here's my suggestion: when you sign your marriage contract, nuptial - whatever it is that gets signed these days to make sure you pay your taxes on time - make sure that you add in that you both agree to attend relationship counselling at least once a year!
Believe me, no-one is born with the natural skill set that allows you to effortlessly cohabit with a partner, let alone adding in a brood of young humans with no knowledge of what a "boundary" is. From many years of experience, I can honestly say that the addition of these little people will completely alter the dynamics in even the most healthy of relationships.
At whatever stage you are in life, relationship skills are vital to the normal functioning of humanity, but sadly they don't come embedded in our genes and we can't suckle them from our mothers milk either. The plain truth of it all is that we need to be taught them. For my fellow males, I will repeat that last sentence -
WE NEED TO BE TAUGHT THEM.
In times past there were wise people in the village to whom young people would go to seek advice. Modern man (woman) retreats into electronic isolation and seeks justification for their own beliefs instead of wanting to listen to the other side of the story.
Thankfully there are tens of thousands of well qualified counsellors in the world who have the combined knowledge of generations which they can apply to nearly every situation. Take advantage of them.
I often say to patients that anyone can hit a tennis ball against the wall but if you want to improve your game then you need some lessons - you need to employ a coach. Relationships are just the same: so PLEASE, for the sake of your other half, for the sanity of your children, PLEASE consider getting a relationship coach. It will change your life ... game, set and match!
Categories: relationships, counselling, marriage, coaching